>FEAR

>I now have a full on fear of driving.

Aside from the fact that since the wreck, I can’t drive for more than an hour without popping a vicodin….

I’m developing a Ricky Bobby like fear of driving and it is not good…

When I’m on the freeway….which is like all I am on lately…I get to the point of my pulse racing….my breath shortening….I can make it between a few exits and then I have to stop, pull over, get myself back together again….

Driving happens in spurts lately and I am miserable with it.

This wreck took away my car, my freedom, my pain free back that I had grown so accustomed to after 26 years with it….

And more than anything else, my ability to drive without having to pop a xanax to avoid an anxiety attack….

But if I pop a xanax, I am not supposed to drive.

But I have to make it to my final destination before the rental car has to go back…

But I can only manage a bit of driving a day before the constant blood pressure surges force me to stop and the spasming in my back must be quieted as well…

Fuck all if this wreck didn’t just fuck me over in so many ways…

I’m pretty sure this hell counts as pain & suffering. I can’t drive. I’m fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Til I get over this fear.