CheekyMF! Review– Poolboy: Drowning out the Fury

So, about two weeks ago, I was wiki-surfing and my curiosity of Kevin James led me to a film entitled “Poolboy: Drowning out the Fury”, (Kevin’s brother Gary Valentine plays a key role in the film). Took me six days, but I ended up with a tangible copy of the flick that I could watch on my computer. (If I ever get bored enough, I will absolutely make a post detailing why I refuse to purchase things from an online retailer. Totally unrelated, please buy shit from my Style Owner shop)

Anyway, finally got a copy of the flick, watched it…and…well, my mind was fucking blown! I’m a fan of the “bad for the sake of being bad” genre and this flick does not disappoint in that respect. Given the fact that Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo and Danny “I’m a badass Mexican” Trejo are the leads, one can expect no less!

The movie follows a Vietnam vet, who has no concept of time, and his returning to his career as a Poolboy once he comes back from “the suck”…..but, Los Angeles County has turned to a new type of Poolboy in his 13+ year absence. The Mexicans. And one of them? Fucking his wife. Oh yeah, this shit is happening.

His wife and son are tragically lost to the Mexicans, which then sends Poolboy on a mission: rid the pool cleaning industry of Los Angeles of the Mexicans. And their Russian funding sources! Oh, yeah, this flick went there.

I won’t say anymore lest I spoil the surprises, but seriously, if you only watch one corny, cheesy, had-to-be-made flick this year…? Make it “Poolboy: Drowning out the Fury”!!!

To see this flick with your very own eyes, and trust me, you want to go to there, Click here.

Review: Red State

I’m a huge fan of being scared, I really am. It started at a very young age, technically before I was “an age”. My mother, “the horror buff”, took me, her 7 month old infant to see “A Nightmare on Elm Street”. I was a good baby, didn’t cry a lot and she took the risk. I acted as she expected and sat there watching the entire flick with fierce intensity in my lil hazel eyes….or so the story goes. Who knows, really, but that started a love affair with a genre that has…well…kind of disappointed me in the long run.

I haven’t been scared by a movie in a really long time. I haven’t been genuinely, truly, honestly SCARED since about the 4th “Nightmare on Elm Street” when Freddy Krueger popped out of a waterbed. In my defense, I had just convinced my parents that I needed a waterbed to exist, god damn I was a conniving little four-year-old, but still, I was genuinely scared to the point I could not sleep at night…and then hit a twenty-three year dry spell. Until last night. (Full Disclosure here: I was a tiny bit scared when I watched Private Valentine, but that is the closest I’ve come, no joke, I fell asleep during “Seven”. Worked in a haunted house for 9 years. It’s a fucking feat to scare me. But god damn it, do I have one helluva “horror chick scream”!)

Between the religious nut jobs, the government that has unlimited power since 9/11 and the good Catholic girl in the back of my mind that says that every single thing in the Bible is accurate no matter what the bitchy redheaded Atheist chick upfront says…this movie scared the fuck out of me. Could not sleep worth a shit scared.

I’m a huge Kevin Smith fan, I mean, one of his movies is not only on my Top 5 list, but was the catalyst for the damn list in the first place, so I’m not completely impartial here, but just because I like the guy’s dialogue does not inherently mean I wasn’t a bit concerned that his jaunt into horror would, could, maybe, perhaps, leave me as disappointed as I have been sitting down to watch every other horror flick I have sat down to watch for the past two decades or so…the concern was misguided.

As most all of my other reviews, this has simply turned out to be a rambling mess in which I tell you very little about the actual flick, but maybe, just maybe, that’s because I just don’t want to spoil a thing for you. This movie was worth all of the wait, and now that it’s on Netflix, you have no reason not to watch it.

Top 5: Movies

So I’m sitting here waiting for the interminably slow Internet connex I’m dealing with tonight to load “Chasing Amy”, and it occurred to me whilst in the silence and after a few decent bong rips, to write a post detailing my Top 5 flicks. I have notoriously limited knowledge of movies, my tastes being shaped mostly by my parents taste in films and haven’t seen…well, most of the shit that my peers have. My dad loved action flicks and westerns, my mom loved horror movies and weepy chick flicks, it was what it was…and I got some weird combination of a love for all of the above. Anyway, I grew up a teensy bit. Started watching things for myself and fell in lurve with the flicks below. I can watch these movies over and over again and discover something new every time. So yeah, enough rambling, here is the list…yay!!

Chasing Amy–This was the first Kevin Smith movie I saw..when I had no clue who Kevin Smith was. It introduced me to Jason Lee and showed me a much different side to that Armageddon dude. Also, Joey Lauren Adams could make me go gay and I am not a fan of eating the vag.

The movie is full of heart and even Affleck himself was always searching out another script from Kevin that hit as hard as this one. All around quality and passes the “watching over at any given time” test with flying fucking colors.

The Tao of Steve–This flick is..well…the dude version of a chick flick. It stars Donal Logue as an unexpected Casanova of sorts in a gorgeous desert-y setting. He’s fat, (but a Fat Fatist.), underemployed, and smokes way too much pot..yet, he has a way of bedding increasingly hot chicks thanks to figuring out that all you really have to do is be a ‘Steve’ (as in McQueen).

If you haven’t seen this, but you have seen dear Donal in something & liked him, GO WATCH THIS NOW! The post will still be here when you get back. Pinky swear.

Serpico–I saw this as a kid at my uncles ranch, and remember being in love with Serpico’s dog. Then I saw this a an adult and saw a harrowing tale of a man who just wants to do right by his city.

I’ve been prone to leaving this one on repeat in the DVD player and just flipping to it when I can’t find anything on television for weeks on end. It’s bad how much I heart this movie.

Dazed and Confused–A movie that makes me jealous of my parents growing up in Texas in the late 70’s. So there’s that…..

High Fidelity–The movie adaptation of the Nick Hornby novel of the same name influenced my life a lot….take for example my entire blurb in my senior yearbook:

“Valedictorian–CheekyMF plans to work in a record store.”

In all fairness, I was misquoted by a 7th grader while already being late to class, I said I planned to own a record store. OWN. Big difference. Super happy that kid didn’t grow up to become a journalist and is instead a secretary at an oil and gas company.

The essence still remains the same although I did realize fairly quickly that the times they were a changing and the new century marked the end of the music industry as we knew it, so I settled for my first job being at a…umm…big blue electronics retailer selling cd’s for a supervisor who is a guitarist for some wicked awesome prog rock band. Zesty Buy or something like that. Anyway…even to this day with this Top 5 flicks list the movie still shades my world with it’s influence.

So there you have it…I’m slowly working my way through the past sixty or so years of cinema to see all of these masterpieces that I seem to have missed out on; but…well…this is what I managed to end up loving without having to scour Netflix, Hulu, or Crackle.