CheekyMF! Rant: Hey NBC, why don’t you sit don’t for a bit, we need to have a talk.

The time has come when we must address this. It’s gone on far too long and I just can’t watch this network I grew up adoring frenetically spiral downwards any longer. You’ve got to stop self-destructing, NBC, there’s no other way to say it.

I don’t know if it’s booze or pills. Maybe you’ve gotten yourself hooked on the reefer, but whatever is happening, it has to come to an end.

I grew up knowing that Thursday night could be funny because of you. I can’t begin to count how many Saturday nights were spent quietly awake in my bed, waiting for my parents to finally go to bed so I could come out and laugh at Adam Sandler and David Space dressed as Gap Girls. Five whole seasons of quotable “Newsradio” dialogue that still comes out of my mouth on a near daily basis…. We had some good times, right?

You can get to that place again, but it’s not by putting shows like “Community” and “Best Friends Forever” in limbo while “Whitney!” and “Are you there, Chelsea?” drag you down. When every show has shit for ratings, maybe you need to start looking at why. And I know it hurts to look inside yourself and own your failures, but please, stop now, take a step back, re-assess, and just look at what you’re doing to yourself for a minute.

A fan base is a finicky thing and it takes time. And while you think you’re doing the best for the Parham/St. Claire show by pairing it up with other “girl” shows, you’re really not. The fan base that would have inevitably proven the core for “Best Friends..” is simply not going to show up for Whitney Cummings or Chelsea Handler. I forgot the show was on every week if I’m being really honest. Only tended to remember when Friday morning came around and I realized it had been a while since I’d seen a new ep.

I know that at the end of the day, not every show can stay on the air. And what speaks to the broadest audience and gets the cheapest laugh is what’s likely to win out…but this one hurts, NBC. It hurts to see you give such a small chance to a show that had such potential and still keep shows that have been around for longer and seemed to have inspired less of a fan base. And perhaps that’s what hurts the most, it’s those shows lack of a fan base that cost this show from ever getting a “real” showing.

Please get help, my dear, sweet, NBC. Get help before there isn’t a network left to save.

All my love,

Maya F.

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CheekyMF! Review: Awake.

Um, well, I think I might love this show. This one is really hard for me as it has every hallmark of being canceled very soon into it’s run. The back and forth between the two psychiatrists, and ohdeargod!, the scene at the end of the second episode with Laura Innes meeting with the mysterious stranger set off an hours long discussion about what they could have done to this poor detective…

(Here is where I’m going to take a moment and slightly bitch about the fact that there was a 30 second peek into what’s really going on here and then nothing, nothing, nothing else about it and now we’re two more episodes in…possibly not the best idea given that NBC probably won’t give this show a fair chance! I guess what I’m saying here, is I really don’t want it to get canceled, but if it does, I would so rather not be left hanging!!)

NBC stuck this show in a place where, I don’t care what A.V. Club says, is NBC’s “We’re pretty cool with this show failing” time slot, the third primetime hour on Thursday. I mean, this is such a fail spot, that, and I don’t know if you remember this, but it once expanded, to cover all the week nights that exist and featured one Jay Leno. Since “ER” left, this spot has held nothing but despair for the likes of comedies, drama, and thanks to Mr. Leno, variety, nothing will stick here.

And this is why I worry about “Awake”. A show about a detective whose wife and son were killed in separate realities and is now left living a splintered existence of what could ultimately be two different waking dreams is a hard sell to a world with 5 gazillion channels. And the internet. And iPads. You’ve got a lot of competition is all I’m saying. And people are very easily distracted. (Here’s looking at you, average page view of 1 & 1/2 minutes!)

Personally, I watched the pilot on Hulu a few weeks prior to it actually airing, and then completely forgot when it was supposed to be on, and just happened to have left the TV on “Up All Night” on the night of Awake’s second episode. Perhaps the internet preview was not the best move for a show with so much against it already.

Side Note: NBC, if you’re listening, can you please put “Up All Night” back on Wednesday nights? You know, with all that other stuff my demographic of childless, young denizens of the night have no desire to watch? (Side Side Note: Yes, I’m speaking of the unnecessarily vulgar, about to be engaged “Whitney!” and the please-don’t-make-me-think-of-her-name-even-though-she’s-not-the-star-of-the-show-the-thought-conjures-up-the-image-of-her-haggard-ass, “Are you there, Chelsea?”)

Anyway, it has a bad lead in, a time slot that NBC has seemingly given up on, but it’s a fantastic show.

Gripping, amazing writing, a story that has so many directions it can go in…for what it’s worth, this show has the kind of depth usually reserved for programming on NBC’s sister station, the USA network…but I’m worried about it.

If for no other reason than the fact that those are generally the symptoms of a show gone too soon.

Please watch this show. Please catch up on the episodes that have aired so far on Hulu. See, I’ve made it super easy for ya, all you have to do is click. Go. Now. For reals, you will not regret this, well worth the time.

Did I mention B.D. Wong is in it?

And Wilmer Valderrama?

Just go. Trust me.

Show NBC that it can do so much better than just settling for being a “top 10 network”.

Review: Are you there, Chelsea?

I’ll preface this review with some truth, I am not a fan of Chelsea Handler. I have tried to watch her show “Chelsea, Lately”, and it’s just never been my cup of tea….I guess, if I’m in a dynamic where someone is being overly bitchy, I need that someone to be me. At least I’m honest, right? Well, this show feels like it’s anything but honest, and I’ve always felt that to be….insulting. There I said it. No network gods struck me down, NBC, you have insulted me. In a big way.

I’m kinda notorious for bitching about females in television. The few that seem to find their way into the industry do so by overtly playing up tired stereotypes, or..well…fucking network executives until they take a show away from their college roommate and give it to you. Jesus fucking Christ the E! Network is like a goddamn fraternity! But you, NBC? You should know better.

This show could have had some potential with a cast that included Laura Prepon, Jo Koy, Natalie Morales and Lenny Clarke. The reason why, is that of that list, Laura Prepon is the weakest actor. When you take away the bulk of that list and leave Laura Prepon with a collective of not-so-strong individual comedic talents and just a few moments of Lenny Clarke, you realize why Laura Prepon wasn’t one of the standouts of “That 70’s Show”.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Donna! She was my freaking Ginger Heroine! But she’s not strong enough to carry a show. That said, if I read one more comment about how “Chelsea needs to play herself”, I’mma go Postal. And not in the cute Uwe Boll way where I really just destroy myself in the process. Chelsea Handler looks haggard as fuck! All honesty, she doesn’t look like she should be playing a woman of “child-bearing” age, much less a 25-ish year old version of herself. Come on guys, she’s fucking painful to look at as a blonde in full make-up. The brunette Chelsea is a fucking train wreck.

While we’re on the topic of hair, the “Redhead Rant” coming from a chick who made a career out of playing an auburn goddess just came off as disconcerting. Maybe it has something to do with Chelsea’s words just seeming awkward and off-putting coming out of Prepon’s mouth in the first place, but it. just. got. weird.

Not to beat a dead horse here, but one final bitch: If you are arrested for drunk driving, your sister can’t just come and bail you out. If you’re arrested for drunk driving, your solution can’t be to just move to an apartment closer to the bar you work at. If you’re arrested for drunk driving, your life gets a whole lot less funny. This show takes a lighthearted stance on a serious topic, and shame on you NBC for trying to cash in on it.

To see drunk people who are actually funny and also walk everywhere–check out The Complete Black Books!

Review: Whitney.

I managed to stay away from this show for an entire half a season. I mean, you do not understand how big of a feat that it, as I am notorious for inevitably giving into shows due, well, to boredom. But I won, I defeated the odd-smiling beast and didn’t watch the show! Until my experiment in mid-season pilots that is!!!

I cheated though, still couldn’t bring myself to actually watch the pilot, so I watched one of the more recent episodes. Even made it harder by picking one that didn’t rely on a big name cameo to make the stale story line watchable. No easy feat, mind you, there is literally like one episode to choose from when you put in that exclusion.

“Private Parts” it was….I mean, I loved the Howard Stern film, so this was obviously the best choice. Hell, the only time I have ever found Whitney Cummings remotely tolerable was on the Stern show, so let’s roll with it!

If the show existed with just the other couples…and no mention of Whitney and her intolerable mate….like ever…..maybe, and that’s only a maybe, I could stomach another episode of this show. Still…….that’s just a maybe.

I get the whole “Blue for the sake of being Blue” style of comedy, don’t get me wrong. It’s fucking hi-larious when Bob Saget goes for the crassest joke! Sarah Silverman too! But…it’s funny because they are funny. Just being vulgar cause it’s all you’ve got? Not cute. And if you must, don’t do it on network television where things are so goddamn constrained that your vulgarity really just comes off as a pathetic attempt at “Cheeky”.

You’re much too tall to be cheeky.

If you’re into sado-masochism, the Whitney Pilot can be found here. Better viewing: Bob Saget: That Ain’t Right or if you just wanna see a hot piece of ass that’s funny–Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic.